Tag: relationships

Why prioritizing yourself, is the best decision you’ll ever make

Hi lovelies,

How are you all keeping?

Before I dive into today’s blog post, I just want to apologize for the lack of content on this blog lately. The reality is that, college has finally decided to take its preeminence in my life again. Deadlines are beginning to pile up on me, and as a result, for the time being, I have no other choice but to prioritize my education, meaning content on the blog will now be limited to when I can, instead of on a weekly basis.

I am not saying goodbye, but I am just giving each of you a heads up, not to be expecting a weekly blog post as I was previously accustomed to. Instead I will try pop on as often as I can, with as much advice, updates and positive energy, as possible!

For the time being, I just want to say thank you for the continuous support that each of you have given me since starting – I honestly feel like I can never say it enough.

For all the shares, comments, words of encouragement and for simply taking the time to read what I put out. Thank you!

Anyways… enough of the soppy stuff. Let’s get into the topic, of today’s blog post;

Why prioritizing yourself, is the best decision you’ll ever make.

Growing up, I was always that child who would drop everything and anything to be there for the people around me.

I have a very giving personality and I never really knew my limit. I would bend backwards for people who would rarely do the same for me.

As I went through my teenage years, I quickly identified this trait and how detrimental it was becoming for me. I was beginning to feel exhausted, frustrated and even angry when I would not receive the same energy I would consistently give out.

I would question my self worth, identity, friendships and life itself. All because I had convinced myself that I loved being a giver. That I am someone everyone should be able to count on, when they are in need.

From a young age we are all taught that giving is the best way to show kindness.

We are all guilty at chorusing the idea that ‘sharing is caring’ – but never explaining to what extent. No wonder why it becomes so easy for some of us to get caught up in unhealthy cycles that may begin to take a toil on our health.

When your constantly the one who gives and gives, you risk burning yourself out. Your well, begins to run dry, and as a result you begin to form resentful feelings.

If you relate to ever feeling any of the above emotions because of your tendency to give a little more than is necessary, I want to encourage you to find a balance.

Begin to identify when your giving out of love or when you’re giving out of guilt and negativity.

Unfortunately I can’t tell you exactly how to find this balance for yourself, but what I can share, is how doing so, for myself, has benefited me.

1. I began to value myself

As I mentioned above, over giving caused me to develop negative emotions. It took a significant toil on my self-esteem and made me question my self worth and value. I almost began to feel like it was normal for people to walk all over me. However, once I identified the negative emotions, that stemmed from giving too much. I quickly began to put value on myself.

Now I have learnt to quickly take two steps back, when I feel under appreciated or taken for granted.

I’m not saying that I expect to be thanked or praised when I go out of my way for someone, but if I’m constantly questioning the other individuals intentions, my time will quickly become limited.

2. My giving became much more genuine

If you were to ask me what my favorite characteristic, that I possess is, I would undoubtedly say that it is my giving spirit.

However at one point in time, I found myself giving for all the wrong reasons. I remember feeling guilty and under pressure, to do it all! To give, because it made me look good, or because I felt morally obliged to.

To overcome this, I had to learn to prioritize my own needs, and as a result, I started giving from a cheerful place, once again!

I took care of my own needs, which in turn gave me the energy necessary, to take care of, and put energy that was light, joyful and void of pressure, into others.

3. I began to focus on my own goals

When your a naturally giving person, it is very easy to focus entirely on other individuals, besides yourself.

You begin to focus all your time and energy into them, leaving little to no time for you. You slowly become sidetracked by their life, and slowly begin to divert all attention, away from your own ambitions and plans.

By balancing how much of me, I was giving to people, I began to regain my own zeal for life. I no longer craved that thrill, I got from helping people. I stopped allowing, giving to be the only drive I had in life. I realized I had more to offer!

Prioritizing myself, was and is one of the best decisions I have ever made, because it caused me to develop as an individual. I became an even happier person, because I grew to be content in myself, as opposed to being content in the way others saw me. I started to become (well at least tried…), as invested in myself as I was in others.

To whoever this has resonated with – I beg you to find your balance. Stop feeling guilty. Let go of the pressures of society.

Protect your energy, by prioritizing yourself.

Yes it’s all well and good, to be there for everyone and anyone, but if you can’t even be there for yourself, what good are you?

Reminder; You are allowed to help yourself before you help others.

Love, Nyasha x

My Midnight Lament

Hi lovelies,

As mentioned from the very creation of this blog – Nyasha’s Nook, is a space, I created to offer seclusion and security to those in need, including myself. In today’s blog post I wanted to take a more serious approach, which I hope will not only provide healing to me, but also to those around me who have been affected or who are in similar situations.

Without delving into the whole story, during the week, a situation arose, that caused me to utter the words – ‘I wish I was never abused’.

Later, as I was reflecting on those 5 small yet mighty words, I began to realize the effect everything was still having on my life, to this very day.

For many years I was aware, yet doubted the fact that I was ever a victim of such. However over the last year, I have come to realize that I was maltreated. I was taken advantage of, whether knowingly or unknowingly by certain individuals.

Without getting into the nitty gritty of it all, I still always question what my life would have been like, if I had never experienced the things I did. Would I have been more ambitious? Would I trust more? Would I have a higher self esteem? The queries only go on and on…

Despite the fact that the reality of it all, is horrific. I choose to not let it define me. I choose to let go of the hurt, bitterness and pain associated with the sheer thoughts of the experiences. I am deciding not to allow it to affect my life negatively any longer.

Yes, there will be days that it will be a lot harder to pick myself up from the bitterness, but I will at least make the effort to stand up tall, and to encourage those behind me.

The sad reality, is that, each of us has been abused in one way or another, whether sexually, physically, mentally, verbally, emotionally, financially and/or spiritually. These forms of abuse can occur, for both short and long periods of time, and their effects may vary from one individual to the next.

If you are reading this and you are/have been a victim of abuse, these affirmations are for you;

I am loved.

I am appreciated.

I am valued.

I will prosper.

I have a purpose.

I will succeed.

I will be patient with myself as I heal.

“Your past is just a story. And once you realize this it has no power over you” ~ Chuck Palahniuk

Love, Nyasha x

“You will overcome this”

Hi lovelies,

Yes, here I am, actually fulfilling my promise to deliver a second blog post this week. Congratulations to me!

Whilst scrolling through Instagram the other night (as you do), I came across a quote that read “YOU WILL OVERCOME THIS” – and I don’t know whether it was the pink writing the words were displayed on, or the words themselves that resonated with me. But I suddenly felt an undeniable sense of comfort.

I began to think about the post I saw on Instagram, at the start of the week, from an individual who was out for a walk but stumbled upon a teenager who had just received their results – under a tree branch with a rope straddling down, within seconds of taking their own life. I began to think about my family and friends who are going through times where they feel like all hope is gone. I also, began to think about me… and the things that worry me from time to time. The things I think I will never achieve or accomplish.

I then began to think about all the things that I had overcome, such as secondary school, consistent negative thinking, state exams and 2nd year college exams (cause those were a real struggle this year). I began to realize that at one point in time, I also believed that I would never overcome these things… but here I am. These things no longer give me any reason to cry or have anxious thoughts, concerning them.

Today I just wanted to encourage anyone and everyone… including myself, who may be reading this. I wanted to remind you that irrespective of the current tribulation you may be experiencing, YOU WILL OVERCOME! Trust me, I know it’s a lot easier to say when you are not in the moment yourself – but those 4 words hold a lot more truth than you may realize. You will overcome this, no matter what the situation may be. There is hope for you. You are not a failure. You are loved. You will succeed.

Love, Nyasha x

Shauna’s Summer Social

Hi lovelies,

So last weekend, I was fortunate enough to attend Shauna Doyle’s very first event – ‘Shauna’s Summer Social”. I have been following Shauna’s Instagram for a little less than a year now, but I immediately fell in love with her content because of the authentic online presence she conveys across all her socials. I also love that she is very much an all round blogger and does not shy away from any category – this really stood out for her at her event, where she discussed all things makeup, fashion, biodegradable glitter, sustainabilility, relationships, love island, mental health, future goals and much much more. There was literally something for everyone.

In today’s blogpost I decided to share some highlights I captured, of the outstanding event. Shauna really went above and beyond with every single detail in order to host a fabulous blush babies event that was instagrammable.

Shuana’s Summer Social was held in the luxurius River Lee Hotel, a member of The Doyle Collection, in Cork. Upon arrval, each attendee was greeted, offered a glass of orange juice and photoraphed by @johnarthurphotos infront of the Blush Babies moon gate.

As I walked into the room more, my eyes quickly gravitated to each and every detail. Shauna did not miss any opportunity to personalize the event and make it her own. The whole room was embellished with baby pink tones, stamped with her logo. It was evident that she was involved in the entire organisation process.

As we all approached our seats, waiting for us, was the goodie bag Shauna had teased prior to the event, along with a programme and slithers of cake made by @traceofcakes.

Inside the programme, along with the schedule of activities and sponsors, was a page dedicated for us to jot down ‘what we learnt’, our ‘wishlist’ and ‘notes’. This was a fantastic addition to the programme as it gave each of us an opportunity to write down any products, tips and word’s of advice, that were mentioned as the event progressed. Once we were all settled Shauna then went up and welcomed us all, to her very first event. She spoke with such humility and gratitude, not only to her sponsors, friends and family, but also to us, her blush babies who support her on a day to day.

She then moved on to the first segment of the day, which was ‘Makeup’, where she was joined by Caoimhe (@caoimhebhmua) to do a makeup look on Lucy (@lulusbits). Throughout the process, Shauna and Caoimhe were generous enough to share all their tips, favourite products and answer the ‘hape’ of questions we all had. Once the dewy makeup look was complete, Shauna then invited us all outside for some lunch.

Moctails @thehitchingpost.ie Cupcakes @traceofcakes

After lunch we went straight into the the ‘Styling Session’. For this session, Shauna invited Ali (@ali123_), who is a student brand ambassador for Boohoo, to talk all things fashion. Shauna and Ali had both brought staple pieces from their wadropes, to give us tips on how to style them. I loved that they discussed sustainable fashion in this segment and how it is okay to wear an outfit more than once. Something I had never considered, that Ali mentioned was, if like her, you’re someone who loves wearing dresses and then struggles to switch the outfit up for another occasion, maybe try buying trousers/skirts and tops so that you can alternate pieces to switch up the outfit. The minute she said this it immediately resonated with me, as I am that person who buys dress after dress but never has any other way to change up the outfit besides the original way I wore it. I can’t wait to try out her tip next time I go shopping and see if I can save myself a few euros in the long run.

The final segment of the day, after another short break, was the ‘Q+A & Panel’ where Shauna was joined by four other fabulous ladies.

@carolbyrne30 @aoifeesull @niamhdebrun @cliona_o_hanlon

Together they discussed how they became the influential women they are today, while sharing the reality of their lives behind the screen. Each of them had their own experiences and goals which I really loved hearing about as there was something for everyone to relate to. They did not shy away from their truth but instead shared their raw real life experiences.

All in all, I really and truly enjoyed #shaunassummersocial. The time and dedication she put into the organisation of it all, in the months leading up to it, was really worth while. I wish events like this were on every single weekend. The whole event was very intimate and felt like a massive sister chat.

I am very excited to see what is next for Shauna, but for now I will hold onto what is now a fond memory of mine.

Love, Nyasha x

A Guide to Making Friends for Life

Hi lovelies,

I hope you have all had a fantastic week. On the blog, this week, I have decided to delve into the world of friendships. Friendships are an integral part of each of our lives. Being surrounded by good friends has many benefits to an individual. They make hard times easier, and the good times all the better. Unfortunately as we get older, making good friends becomes much harder, because of the shift in expectations from both parties.

Recently, as I was talking to one of my friends, I was reminded of the struggles that come with forming true friendships in adolescence. For me, this stage was filled with conflict, jealousy, mistrust and consistent questioning of people’s intentions. I used to think that I would never be truly content in my friendships. However, over the last month I’ve come to realize that I am honestly so blessed to be surrounded by true friends that go above and beyond my expectations on a daily. The type that I can actually rely on, not question and laugh with, to the point of tears.

This week I wanted to share a short guide to help anyone who might feel like they are truly not satisfied with their friendships. Numerous studies in the last decade show that many people feel like they don’t have any true companions. If this is you, don’t feel guilty, according to Jim Rohn, “you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with”… so if you are not satisfied with your friends – you can’t be satisfied with yourself. I hope that the following steps will be of use to those of you, who are wanting to improve their friendship circle.

1. Be a true friend

The law of attraction, that states, that you attract what you are, plays a pivotal role in the formation of friendships. I quickly learnt this in my teens, when I decided to ditch the mean girl demeanor, that is heavily influenced by the media. I became a ‘girl’s girl’, who was more concerned with empowering the girls around me rather than gossiping and anticipating their downfall. With this character change I began to attract positive friends that were open and welcoming. By naturally shifting to positive thinking I began to align myself with the type of people I wanted in my life.

2. Be yourself

“You came into this world alone and you’ll leave it alone”, so why would you change yourself to suit people who are only in your life temporarily. It’s so easy these days, to find yourself in positions that compromise your identity, just to suit those around you. However, it is much more beneficial to be CONFIDENT IN YOU, without feeling the need to be validated by so called ‘friends’.

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind” – Romans 12:2

3. Make the effort to stay in touch

I’m sure you are all aware of the belief that true friends can go long periods without speaking and then easily reconnect, and although I have found this to be true, distance can only be built and sustained by maintaining friendships. Just like relationships, friendships require effort. Friendship’s can be maintained by keeping in contact through texts, calls and face-to-face interactions, where possible.

4. Give and take

Unfortunately each of us have dealt with a friend that seems to take more than they give, at least once in our lifetime. This friend is quick to make all things about themselves. If you find yourself tolerating their selfishness, overtime you may begin to unintentionally form mistrust in future relationships, as a result of this one experience. I would encourage any of you who may feel like they were used in a friendship, either for their time, attention, energy and/or money, to open up again. Friendships are all about balance. Individuals involved must work together to create friendships where each person feels cared about, appreciated and respected. It’s just as important to have good friends, as it is to be a good friend.

When you are surrounded by good people, you’re surrounded by life. Stress is reduced and you begin to experience happiness in all facets. If you have come to realize that you are short on meaningful friendships, I would encourage you to reflect on this guide and start making changes to your circle today.

Be open to inviting new people into your life.

Love, Nyasha x

5 Ways to Look After Yourself

Hi lovelies,

Before I dive into today’s post, I just want to say a massive thank you to everyone near and far for all the support and words of encouragement since uploading my first blog post. I am truly grateful.

Today’s blog post is inspired by a conversation I had with one of my close friends last week, where they opened up about not being in a great place at the moment. This is something that each of us can relate to, at various points of our lives, but because of the many demands of life, often we do not attend to ourselves accordingly. Although we often neglect it, self care is crucial. Self care is defined as the actions one takes to attend to their physical, emotional, relational and spiritual well being. I have decided to share five of my go-to things I do when I am not feeling top-notch, that help me recharge and refocus.

1. Pray and Read the Bible

Praying, reading the bible and/or listening to gospel or worship music are things I find very soothing. Whenever I pray about something that is or has been worrying me I suddenly feel at ease concerning the issue that is consuming me. Reading the word, strengthens me if I am feeling weak and reminds me that God’s plans for me are much greater than I can ever imagine. Here are a few verses that encourage me;

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” – Jeremiah 29:11

Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. -Philippians 4:6

He has made everything beautiful in its time… -Ecclesiastes 3:11

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus -Philippians 4:6-7

God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day -Psalm 46:5

She is clothed in strength and dignity and laughs without fear of the future -Proverbs 31:25

I am with you always -Matthew 28:20

2. Drink Tea

Maybe it’s the ‘Irishness’ in me, but whenever I am stressed I suddenly crave nothing more than a cup of tea. Unfortunately, when I am anxious, the caffeine in tea sets my brain on overdrive which causes me to then overthink. However, a great alternative which still manages to calm my nerves is peppermint tea.

3. Pamper yourself

When I am feeling under the weather there is nothing I value more than my pamper kit (pictured above), which I store in my bed side locker for easy access. Although the application and use of face masks, eye masks and nail polish can often be time consuming, they leave your skin feeling refreshed and rejuvenated. The aromatic essential oils that are infused in many of these products relax the mind by stimulating your senses.

4. Listen to Music

If you asked me to define music in my own words, I would describe it as a medium that is capable of delivering various emotions to different people. As mentioned previously, gospel/worship music is a personal favorite of mine when I need that extra comfort. However, once I have had my dose of relaxing ‘me’ time, to continue the process of raising my spirits, I usually play my current favourite upbeat jams.

5. Talk to someone

“A problem shared is a problem halved”

A misconception a lot of us have is that, we are suddenly burdens to our loved ones when we share our problems, struggles and/or pain. This however, is not the case. Talking about things that affect you with another person, usually makes the situation seem less daunting and troubling. Just make sure that you are speaking to someone you trust and, that has your best interest at heart, so that you can be reassured that the advice you will get or be given will actually benefit you.

So there you have it, there are the five main things I do when I am not feeling like my best self. We are all wired differently as individuals, so things that work for me might not work for you, but it’s important to find healthy coping mechanisms to overcome lives endless hurdles. If you still haven’t found something that works for you, feel free to try one of mine listed above.

Remember you are never alone.

Love, Nyasha x